Today marks a special moment where I was stepping foot inside my new flat with my husband just two months ago for the first time. Leaving the San Francisco Bay Area, a home I've known for over 20 years, or California, a place where I was born, I mean, a damn country I've spent my entire life in???
Talk about inception filled with positive change and growing pains.
Getting here was very dragged out and challenging. Not only the crazy US elections or the ongoing pandemic but I was starting a fresh new website for my brand. Going to school for creative writing makes the list, ending and mending friendships, setting boundaries, quitting alcohol all while running through a factory of anxiety attacks along the way.
Deep down though, quitting alcohol cold turkey was probably my biggest achievement to date. I would be lying if I said it was one of the hardest challenges I've dissected to date. You know when they say there's a moment in life where you shut off all the noise, pick up the mirror, and face yourself? Yeah, It was absolutely like that.
I'm glad I got to experience my first anniversary of no alcohol back in The Bay area filled with friends, food music, and a boat. I will be two years strong this June. That was one of my biggest worries when moving to a new country. You know, the anxiety of it all. If I didn't have alcohol to settle the nerves, which is what I'm used to, what are my new vices?
Meanwhile, my adoring husband and I didn't see each other for a year, so the thought of learning to be around someone again was indeed exciting yet also hitting deep. Being independent has its perks, but it's always important to check yourself head-on with safe and trusting open conversations with your partner about all fears on both sides. It made us so much stronger because of it.
We've established what life would be like for us before the visa even arrived, so we were fully prepped for all avenues. Like Ikea shopping, researching where I might want to go to school. Talking future trips we will take now from Heathrow, Manchester, or even the Humberside Airport for those quick trips to Spain.
Where I live is nice. I thought the worst, but living near water was crucial for my mental.
We're up north from central London in a place called Kingston upon Hull, or just Hull in general. Deep down there is a lot of history here, well everywhere really. When I open my front door, I see the boats lined along the Hull Marina. It's not every day I get to wake up with a nice bath and walk down to see the water as I'm writing inside my journal. I don't know about you, but this is what I deserve. As a writer, it doesn't even stop there.
Inside my flat (besides the manic decisions of "Is this enough cat furniture") is gaming set up for my PlayStation and soon-to-be-built PC for more Twitch streaming. The best part is I have my own creative space.
Having a brand, it's nice being able to separate my art from the place I lay my head at night. It gives me more of a conscious whenever making resin art, painting, or even just writing in general. Having this all set up within a two-month time span is crazy, but I wasn't wasting time.
Even when looking for work after just weeks of throwing out cardboard boxes outside of my flat, I officially picked up my residency permit card (which has to be down within 10 days of arrival into the UK) so I'm able to work and live here in the UK for the next three years. That is when I get to decide if I want to take a test to officially become Black British and switch my citizenship from American, or I can re-apply for my spousal/family visa in the UK and gain dual citizenship. Being able to go back and forth to my home is important to me.
But a lot can happen in three years. I mean, I could be living in Amsterdam, who knows, not like my husband will read this or anything.
I also received my national insurance number so I can get paid for my work. I do advise doing that sooner rather than later because it can take a very long time for it to show up in the mail. So if you are looking to get to work straight away, don't wait on that. I will say coming from America, there is this insane slowed down pace I get here. Especially up north because people are calmer and mind their own.
I do admit, it was very hard to deal with post-travel anxiety. I mean, my anxiety is already bad enough, but let's add all these new layers and peeling of snakeskin. Not only did I have to say goodbye to the Esha that drank alcohol, but I'm was also saying goodbye to a fully satisfying life lived in America.
Granted I'm finally with my husband, cat, and no Skype video calls, but it's very different, sad, and can get very lonely at times. But on the other end... wow, you're crying and can't sleep? Might be jetlag, to be honest. Ok, you're eating the third bowl of spaghetti? I mean, anxiety lives in many forms. We could go all day if you know yourself.
BUT ANYWAY...
I used to have a lot of free time while my husband went to work. Meaning I got to sit and think my heavy thoughts through the sounds of the ticking clock. I'm was learning. Growing and feeling everything. I reminded myself plenty that I fought so hard because wanted this. Things take time. Patience. I thought I could get everything accomplished in three days when really I was still waking up at 3 am watching Real Housewives with my cat every morning.
That being said, my mental health needed it.
My mind was in the sunken place for a very long time.
Applying for visas is taxing, not only from the distance of my relationship but everything. The difference of perspectives, the hallow conversations of miscommunication that would arise. It all could've been melted away with one look and touch. Yet, there is a moment you sit with yourself and that panic of doubt and fear starts to melt away.
These days I don't take anything for granted.
I feel so confident inside of my own skin that it allows me the scale to see things how they once were. That would be my friendships, networking opportunities, streaming subscriptions...
Becoming a new me and set forth in the world from a two-month growth bender in a new country is pretty damn cool.
Now I have my own phone, my name is officially on the water bill with my husband (that's how you know it's real). That means I can sign up for a bank in order to get paid for my new job, I was offered this month as a full-time AR/VR Marketing Executive.
DREAM. JOB. I repeat.
This will be a longer post for another day, but dammit, I did it.
Also getting back into covering MMA with Cageside Press. It's going to be great because I'm in a whole new world when it comes to local fighters and the success of Cage Warriors.
It's been two months y'all. I keep saying that, but damn. I have it all right now.
If I could succeed this much in such a short amount of time, yeah three years I might truly have an accent and won't stop saying the word cunt.
Fuck. Let's hope that's not foreshadowing. LOL.
The moral of the story is never give up on yourself. Growth is necessary and filling up your energy with a full charge and update hasn't hurt anybody. We do it for our pieces of tech that we are attached to so much, so why not ourselves? Trust the process. Manifest those words. Hell, engage in casting witchy spells. Anything and everything.
On that note, we got this.